Affiliate Marketing

by

💀 “The Day I Tried Affiliate Marketing and Nearly Sold My Soul (For a 3% Commission)”

businessman-writing-marketing-on-mirror

So there I was, sitting in a freezing room above the shop, wrapped in a coat, two jumpers, and the sort of existential dread that only kicks in when the gas meter’s flashing and the bills have outbred your income.

I’d just watched some shiny YouTube bloke in a V-neck T-shirt tell me how he made ÂŁ30,000 last month “while he slept” by doing affiliate marketing.

Right. Sounds ideal, I thought. I sleep most nights. I know how to copy a link. How hard could it be?

đŸȘ€ The Bait

Affiliate marketing, for the uninitiated, is where you get a special link to someone else’s product. If someone buys through your link, you get a cut.

In theory:

“Earn passive income without creating a product!”

In practice:

“Spam your friends, plug a yoga mat you’ve never used, and pray someone clicks before the cat knocks your laptop off the table again.”

đŸȘŠ The Mistake

So I signed up for some platform. Let’s call it “GetRichAffiliatesNow.co.scam” or something equally tragic.

First product I promoted?
A PDF course on “Crypto Mindset Manifestation.”
I don’t know what any of those words mean together, but it had a 60% commission, so I gave it a go.

I wrote a heartfelt email to my (tiny) email list:

“Hey mate, this changed how I think about money.”

Total lie. It changed how I think about nonsense.

I got one reply.

From my Auntie Val.

“Are you alright, love? This doesn’t sound like you.”

💾 The Reality Check

Most affiliate commissions are about 3%–10%. That means if someone buys a £20 thing, you earn enough for
 a bag of crisps. Not even the big grab bag.

Sure, there are high-ticket affiliate programs, where you earn £200+ per sale—but those usually involve actual work. Like talking to people. Making content. Building trust. You know
 not pretending you’re Jeff Bezos in a hoodie.

💡 So, Can Affiliate Marketing Work?

Yes. Absolutely.
But here’s what I’ve learned (so you don’t make the same dogs’ dinner of it I did):

✅ Affiliate Marketing the Honest Graft Way:

  1. Only promote stuff you’ve actually used and would recommend to your nan.
    If it’s pants, don’t push it.
  2. Write like you talk.
    Don’t turn into a corporate robot. “Transform your digital journey” means nothing to people who just want to stop living payday to payday.
  3. Be patient.
    Affiliate marketing works if you’re willing to build trust. It’s not fast. But it can be steady.
  4. Start with one or two solid products.
    For example, I recommend Systeme.io and Canva, because I use them, they’re free or cheap, and they don’t give me a rash.
  5. Tell stories, not sales pitches.
    No one wants to read “7 Reasons Why This Tool Is a Game-Changer.”
    They do want to hear how you cocked it up and what you’d do different.

🧃 Final Thought:

Affiliate marketing isn’t a scam. But it attracts scammers, same way a pub on match day attracts blokes who suddenly think they’re Pep Guardiola.

So take it slow. Be real. Build trust. And don’t sell your soul for a 3% cut of a Himalayan Salt Lamp dropshipped from China.

You’re better than that.